Tag: limiting beliefs

Categories
Awareness & Perception

Change Your Beliefs, Change Your Destiny

Did you know that your beliefs determine your reality? Your brain takes information from your senses, combines those sensations with your memories, and double-checks all of that against your beliefs about yourself, others, and the world.

Your beliefs act like filters that let certain things in and keep other things out. Anything that aligns with your beliefs will be easily noticed and even appear to be more prevalent than it really is.

If something does not align with your existing beliefs you probably won’t even recognize it. It’s possible that you could feel a little cognitive dissonance, but most people dismiss this and move on.

What do you believe?

The first step in changing your beliefs is to figure out what you really believe. For many people, there is a big difference between what they say or think they believe and what they actually believe. The most obvious way to figure this out is to critically observe all forms of communication.

What do you hear yourself saying to others?

What do you often say to yourself?

What do you say about yourself?

What do you say about other individuals, groups, or organizations?

There isn’t an easy answer here. You have to take every thought and word captive. Analyzing these will reveal longstanding patterns that have been determining your thoughts and actions.

By noticing what you say, you will gain access to an aspect of your unconscious. You will expose the tape that continues to play on repeat.

This is powerful because most of our thoughts and reactions are determined before the prefrontal cortex has a chance to weigh the pros and cons.

Are these beliefs true and adaptive?

Byron Katie writes about four questions, which she calls The Work. These questions are so simple that they can be used with children. I have used these questions for several years and can attest to their validity. Here they are:

  1. Is it true?
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
  3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
  4. Who would you be without that thought?

Whenever a thought arises that seems to be troublesome, it should be subjected to these four questions. After the questions is the turnaround. If you haven’t seen her work before, I highly recommend looking up Byron Katie.

What beliefs would be more adaptive?

If you don’t like the way your life is going, change your beliefs.

This comes down to being aware of common thought patterns, noticing when they appear, and replacing them with thoughts that move you in the direction you want to go. Determine what you need to believe to achieve your goals and remind yourself of these things as often as possible.

Cautions

Learn to recognize and embrace cognitive dissonance. It’s that uncomfortable tension we feel when our beliefs and actions don’t align. It also shows up when we hold two competing beliefs or commitments.

Your replacement thoughts need to be things you can believe. Positive affirmations that are too far from your current reality will not ring true. Instead, they will cause your brain to defend against them, which will ultimately backfire.

Categories
Passion & Purpose Thoughts on Change

Speaking My Truth

Ryran keeps telling me that I have to write a book to explain what has changed in me over the past year. He talks to other political figures and business leaders who complain about going to functions alone because their spouses are very uncomfortable in social situations. I get it. People who are naturally social want to help their loved ones feel more comfortable around crowds.

I thought he might be on to something. I know I’ve changed a lot in a short period of time. I’m much more comfortable in social situations, sometimes too comfortable. I feel like I can speak my truth, even if others don’t agree or won’t like it.

The best part for me is that I sleep well knowing that I have shown up in the world as me. Whether people like me or not is their issue. I decided that I have to look in the mirror each morning and be comfortable with the fact that I am the same person in any situation. I am a congruent, whole, unique individual.

As much as I value my husband’s guidance, it really hit home when I was called into the Principal’s Office. Oh my! I never got in trouble in school, but sitting in that office used to make me very nervous, until about a year ago.

The Principal asked me outright about the changes in my personality. I thought about it for a few minutes and then I shared a couple of experiences that led up to the current version of Jessica.

My plan is to share those in more detail over the next few posts. Here is a very brief outline of what’s to come.

  • I started using Holosync, binaural beats audio for an hour every morning.
  • My OCU students told me that 50 is the best age to be. I decided not to wait until then.
  • I watched all of my communication (internal and external) and looked for my hidden beliefs.
  • I spent some time exploring my shadow aspects and the exiled parts of myself.
  • I determined what my core values were and got rid of the beliefs that did not align with those values.
  • I purposely changed the beliefs and behaviors that did not serve my ultimate life philosophy.
  • I studied NLP and became a Super Psych Ninja.
  • I decided that all people are just people, regardless of their position or title.
  • I learned that being called Dr. Traylor does not erase the normal human insecurities and doubts that every person faces.
  • I cut my hair.

If you’re dying to know more before I have a chance to write about these life lessons, feel free to contact me. Sharing my story helps me clarify the gaps.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I know there are plenty of other things you could be doing.

Categories
Awareness & Perception Thoughts on Change

Confirmation Bias: The Power of Our Beliefs

Why take the time to figure out what we believe? Whether we are aware of them or not, our beliefs about a specific area can greatly impact the assumptions that support those beliefs and the values we hold that are based on those beliefs.

Our beliefs guide our thoughts and behaviors. We tend to look for or create situations that support what we believe to be true.

Just think about everyone’s favorite blue donkey, Eeyore. He seemed to always find himself in the worst situations. Do you remember all those times when it only rained on him?

BeFunky Design

Sometimes I have all the best intentions but then fall back into an old habit. Usually, that happens when I have an underlying limiting belief about what I can or can’t do. When I think about my assumptions and beliefs, I can begin to see how I could be unconsciously sabotaging my own efforts.

Acknowledging and analyzing beliefs can help us figure out several things. For now, let’s focus on these two:

  • why we aren’t consistently doing the things we want to do
  • why we continue to do things we don’t want to do

Henry Ford said it best when he said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t. You’re right.” Are there things that you believe you can or can’t do? Maybe you tried something one time and it didn’t go very well. Or maybe you thought about doing something different, but were told that you couldn’t do it. No matter how these limiting beliefs developed, now is a good time to reassess their truth and usefulness.

“Can”s and “Can’t”s: Internalized Beliefs

I have worked with many people who believe they can’t control their eating. They generally think that they are too weak or too emotional to choose the right food for their body. Usually, these limiting beliefs are related to their faulty assumptions about themselves, others, and/or the world.

Through individual coaching, I work with people to acknowledge and analyze their faulty assumptions and limiting beliefs. What I have seen is that people tend to pay attention to experiences that support what they already believe.

Science backs this up with studies about belief perseverance and the confirmation bias. Basically, these studies show that we more easily see things that are in line with our current beliefs.

Think about a time when you were in a really good mood. Maybe you woke up feeling energized, had the perfect cup of coffee, and got to work without struggling or rushing. However you achieved it, you were experiencing a higher than normal level of happiness. You probably noticed more people smiling at you. You might have even seen and taken advantage of additional opportunities that would increase your happiness. Maybe you noticed that the other drivers on the road were much more courteous to you.

Chances are, the external world was just the same as it has always been. The only difference was your perspective, which was based on your current filter of happiness.

This works the same with other things we believe about the world. If we believe that we can’t control our eating behavior, then we will see the world in a way that supports this belief. When we encounter a situation where we are tempted, we will fall back on habitual patterns instead of remembering the reasons we are choosing a different option. If we really believe that we can’t control our eating behavior, we may not even see the other options that are available to us.

If we believe that our current behaviors are protecting us or serving us in some way, we will continue to engage in those behaviors. There is a hidden logic to the way our brains work to protect us from perceived danger. Figuring out how you are unconsciously fulfilling your beliefs can make this hidden logic visible. Once you are aware of these beliefs, you are free to choose whether or not they need to be changed.

Acknowledging Our Beliefs

I believe that we can all choose to do things that are good for us. Acknowledging our beliefs is a good place to start. Once we know what we believe, we can test to see if those beliefs are true and helpful. We can also try out new beliefs that might be more productive.

Learning to let go of limiting beliefs is one of the keys to making positive changes and maintaining our motivation when it gets hard. If you want to explore your limiting beliefs, pick one thing that is not working well and explore your beliefs in that area. Watch your thoughts and behaviors in that specific area of your life.

These self-reflection questions are similar to the questions about faulty assumptions. The main difference is that we are now focusing on what you believe to be true, rather than what you assume that you, others, or the world should be or do. Beliefs are generally based on assumptions.

If you want to explore your limiting beliefs, ask yourself these questions:

  • Are there any patterns in my language that demonstrate what I believe? What do I repeatedly say to myself? What do I repeatedly say to others?
  • What are my “can”s, and “can’t”s?
  • Are these beliefs always true?
  • Are these beliefs currently helpful and productive?
  • What assumptions are holding up these beliefs? Are these assumptions still true, helpful, and productive?
  • Is there one belief that I could shift to something more helpful and productive?
  • What can I try over the next week that might allow me to see beyond my limiting beliefs?

Hopefully, these self-reflection questions will provide some insight about how limiting beliefs (and the underlying assumptions) contribute to our thoughts and behaviors.