Tag: personal peace

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Passion & Purpose Thoughts on Change

Speaking My Truth

Ryran keeps telling me that I have to write a book to explain what has changed in me over the past year. He talks to other political figures and business leaders who complain about going to functions alone because their spouses are very uncomfortable in social situations. I get it. People who are naturally social want to help their loved ones feel more comfortable around crowds.

I thought he might be on to something. I know I’ve changed a lot in a short period of time. I’m much more comfortable in social situations, sometimes too comfortable. I feel like I can speak my truth, even if others don’t agree or won’t like it.

The best part for me is that I sleep well knowing that I have shown up in the world as me. Whether people like me or not is their issue. I decided that I have to look in the mirror each morning and be comfortable with the fact that I am the same person in any situation. I am a congruent, whole, unique individual.

As much as I value my husband’s guidance, it really hit home when I was called into the Principal’s Office. Oh my! I never got in trouble in school, but sitting in that office used to make me very nervous, until about a year ago.

The Principal asked me outright about the changes in my personality. I thought about it for a few minutes and then I shared a couple of experiences that led up to the current version of Jessica.

My plan is to share those in more detail over the next few posts. Here is a very brief outline of what’s to come.

  • I started using Holosync, binaural beats audio for an hour every morning.
  • My OCU students told me that 50 is the best age to be. I decided not to wait until then.
  • I watched all of my communication (internal and external) and looked for my hidden beliefs.
  • I spent some time exploring my shadow aspects and the exiled parts of myself.
  • I determined what my core values were and got rid of the beliefs that did not align with those values.
  • I purposely changed the beliefs and behaviors that did not serve my ultimate life philosophy.
  • I studied NLP and became a Super Psych Ninja.
  • I decided that all people are just people, regardless of their position or title.
  • I learned that being called Dr. Traylor does not erase the normal human insecurities and doubts that every person faces.
  • I cut my hair.

If you’re dying to know more before I have a chance to write about these life lessons, feel free to contact me. Sharing my story helps me clarify the gaps.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I know there are plenty of other things you could be doing.

Categories
Awareness & Perception Stress Management What I'm Reading

Stress is a Process

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“People are disturbed not by a thing, but by their perception of a thing.” — Epictetus

Stress is a process. Unfortunately, many of us don’t know how that process works in our own lives, much less where and how to intervene in order to change the outcome of the process.

Did you know that about 95% of people have experienced significant stress during the past month? What’s worse is that only about 5% of people believe they have tools or practices to manage psychological distress.

The National Institutes of Health recently hosted a Facebook live event (I know, crazy, right?) to address the current state of stress in our nation. The whole video is about an hour long, but the good stuff starts around 15 minutes in.

A Nation Under Pressure: The Public Health Consequences of Stress in America

Former Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy talks about his concerns regarding the impact of stress on our nation. I agree. Stress is a major problem in our society for people in all age groups.

What is happening in our society?

Everything seems to be moving very fast.

There are demands on our time and pressures to do more. We try to multitask because our technology allows that. The problem is that multitasking adds to the stress and decreases our performance.

There are more pressures to be constantly available through technology.

When was the last time you stepped away from your cell phone…on purpose? I’m not talking about that time you accidentally forgot your phone when you were going outside to feed the dog or check the mail.

I’m talking about putting your phone on the counter, walking out the door, and doing something by yourself or with the real people who are with you.

There are multi-faceted issues with health that can impact our stress.

Health is a tricky one because stress is a factor in the development of many chronic diseases and health problems increase stress. So, we have a vicious cycle where stress is a cause and a consequence of health problems.

Knowing this, should stress management be part of the treatment for health conditions? Research says that it can and should. There have been reports of stress management techniques resulting in decreased inflammation, faster healing, decreased pain perception, and greater general well-being.

Why does it matter?

The biggest reason this is important to me is that I cannot give my family, friends, colleagues, or students anything that I do not have.

If I want my children to learn to manage their stress, then I need to learn to manage my stress. If I want my students to understand the importance of sleep and mindfulness, then I need to practice those things in my own life.

The other reason this is important to me is more of a selfish reason. I really love to interact with people who are calm, focused, and productive. It’s a lot of work to put up emotional shields to block out the stress and negativity that come from other people. Fortunately, I’ve learned how to do that, but I would rather not have to.

When we are able to manage our own stress, then we are able to see others more clearly. We are less likely to react and more likely to respond. The people around us can see and feel the difference.

What can we do?

  • Slow down: The world will keep spinning, even if you stand still.
  • Check in: What is happening in your body right now? Do you feel any areas of tension? What is going through your mind? Is this a repetitive thought that is related to a stressful or stress-inducing pattern?
  • Connect with real people: Deep social connection is one of the biggest factors in long-term stress management and psychological wellbeing.
  • Exercise: yoga, tai chi, qi gong, running, walking, etc.
  • Go outside: Spending time in nature can help us slow down and reset our natural rhythms.
  • Sleep: Getting enough good quality sleep can allow your body and mind to recover, which will allow you to better manage stress.
  • Journal: Writing down your concerns at the end of each day will help you sleep better. You can also use journaling to “counsel” yourself by asking self-reflective questions.
    • Where did this come from?
    • What else could this mean?
    • Is this part of a bigger pattern in my life?
    • What has worked in the past?
    • How is this serving me?
    • What other options do I have?
    • Who can help me with this?
  • Meditate or practice mindfulness: Meditation increases awareness, which increases choice. Being aware of more choices allows for more adaptive, effective actions.

Additional Resources

The Art of Stopping Time: This is a great book by Dr. Pedram Shojai. It includes simple practices that can be done very quickly. The idea is that by the end of the book you will find a few practices that allow you to become more efficient and reclaim some of your time.

The American Institute of Stress (AIS): According to AIS, the top five stressors are job pressure, money, health, relationships, and poor nutrition. In addition to research, the website offers a wealth of resources including several self-assessment stress quizzes.

The National Center for Complementary and Integrative Medicine (NCCIH): This website is a division of the National Institutes of Health. You will find information about the relationship between stress and health, natural strategies to relieve stress, and current research on the topic of stress management.

Categories
Awareness & Perception Mindfulness & Peacefulness

I’ll Be Happy When…

I’ll be happy when I’m 25. Then I will be out of college, married, and have a stable career. That seems crazy, right? Well, in my 17-year-old mind, it seemed like a logical conclusion. I thought that adults had it all figured out.

The age of 25 came and went. I achieved those goals, but I still had not found that elusive thing called happiness. Maybe I’m the only one who decided that I’ll be happy when I reach some goal or achievement, but I doubt it.

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Temporary Happiness

In one way or another, we are all looking for happiness. The word means different things to different people. Some people believe that joy comes from having a certain amount of money or things. Other people think they will be happy when they are at their ideal weight or fitness level. Or, my favorite, we wait all week for the weekend so we can relax and enjoy our time.

The list could go on and on. I’m sure you can think of many other criteria we place on happiness.

The sad part is that these things rarely, if ever, fulfill us. It’s nice to have enough money to pay your bills, but researchers have found that beyond providing a comfortable life, more money does not necessarily bring more happiness.

The same logic applies to weight loss or fitness goals. They might provide a temporary feeling of happiness, but we usually find ourselves back in our old habitual patterns, judging ourselves and never measuring up.

Inevitably, we find ourselves doing the same things and getting the same results.

We Deserve to Feel Happiness

When you’re a psychologist/professor/coach/yoga teacher, people expect you to have all the answers, but sometimes you’re so busy and stressed that you end up sitting on the bathroom floor crying because you can’t remember your son’s field day t-shirt. That’s when you know something’s got to change.

That’s what happened to me a few years ago. I used to be very perfectionistic. I would run around all the time making sure everything was done and done right. People would always say things like, “you’re a human being, not a human doing.” Somehow, I thought that if I kept myself busy doing everything that one day I would do enough to deserve to be happy.

I couldn’t sit down and be happy if there was laundry to fold or dishes in the sink. Wives and mothers are supposed to keep the house clean, right? Going outside for a leisurely walk to look at flowers and butterflies was completely out of the question. If I was going to put on tennis shoes, then I was going jogging. Otherwise, there were things that needed to be done in the house.

I couldn’t allow myself to do something that made me happy if there was anything left that needed to be done. Unfortunately, there never came a time when everything was done.

Being Productively Unproductive

After more than a decade of practicing yoga and meditation, if finally made sense. I had to slow down. Being still was productive. What did it produce? Well, for starters, true happiness.

When I found a consistent morning routine, my entire outlook on life changed. It started out small. At first, I was just sitting in silence for five minutes each morning. That’s not much time, but it’s enough to create a habit. Once I was able to watch my thoughts in meditation, I noticed that I was becoming more aware of my thoughts when I wasn’t meditating.

I started to notice how many things I was doing at the same time. I was very productive. If you look at my computer right now, you will see a couple of tabs open, but that’s nothing compared to what I used to do. At one point, I was writing reports, checking email, listening to a webinar, and preparing a presentation within the same timeframe. I would switch back and forth between tasks because I didn’t have time to wait for the computer to save my current draft or load a new website. Yes, I was very productive, but I was also very stressed.

After I had enough awareness to notice how this extreme level of productivity was increasing my stress, I realized that I needed to make another change.

Do What You’re Doing

The next small change I made was to practice monotasking. That’s a fancy word for doing one thing at a time. I still think it’s crazy that we live in a world where we need a word such as monotasking, much less that it’s something I found myself in need of practicing.

I’m still not great at monotasking, but I try. If I am working on an email and a teacher walks into my office, I will stop what I am doing and shift my focus to whatever they need to talk about. I do the same thing with my kids. When I talk to them, I stop and focus on them. I look in their eyes and try to feel what they are saying.

I realized that I needed to actually do what I was doing. If my mind was split between several different activities, none of them got my full attention.

Finding Your Happy Place

Now my morning routine involves meditation, yoga, and journaling. If I only have time for one of the three, I always choose meditation.

Why? Because on the days I don’t meditate, my life doesn’t quite work right. Something just feels off. I’m more easily annoyed. Little things feel like giant stressors. I am less connected to my family, friends, co-workers, and students. The quality of my work suffers.

I have finally found a routine that works. With meditation, I realized that I can find my happy place everywhere I go.

Meditation might not be what helps you find happiness. For most people, meditation is a tool to increase awareness. You can begin today by becoming aware of what people, experiences, and activities make you happy.

Bonus: Download your free happiness checklist now. Click here to get it

Categories
Awareness & Perception

Which Weeds Are You Watering?

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Which weeds are you watering? Notice the wording of the question. It doesn’t ask if you are watering weeds. The question assumes that you are watering weeds. It doesn’t imply that you should or shouldn’t be watering weeds. That is up to you to figure out. The question simply asks for awareness of, and self-reflection on, what you are watering.

We all water weeds, both in our gardens and in our lives.

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have more time than you do? How can they work fulltime, attend their kids’ games, and still find time to take care of their physical and mental health? How do they run a company, help their kids with homework, teach Sunday school, and still make it to the gym?

Best of all, how do they do all of this without losing their peace of mind and even staying calm in the chaos of life? 

It’s easy to see that we all have 24 hours each day, but some people seem to be able to stretch those hours. That’s because these people have figured out how to stop watering the weeds. 

They spend their time and energy on the things that matter.

I recently watched The Art of Stopping Time by Pedram Shojai. It was a short video packed with a ton of wisdom. During the first 10-15 minutes of the video, Shojai relates our lives to a garden. In this analogy, he talks about the importance of identifying which five plants we really want in our garden and which weeds we keep watering.

This concept of the life garden (along with many, many other insightful concepts) is included on his website, podcast, and book: The Urban Monk.

One of the benefits of teaching Introduction to Psychology is that I get to touch on many interesting topics. There are many ways to address the ideas of consciousness and attention. Keeping in mind that one of my goals as an educator is to provide my students with things they can apply to daily life, I asked them to consciously consider how they spend their time and energy.

Many of my students are still trying to figure out how to balance the new freedom of college with the concept of deadlines. They struggle to understand why they can’t really multitask even though they think they should be able to. Some of them don’t know where their time goes each day. Now that I write it out, that sounds a lot like many adults I know, except for the “new freedom” part.

Anyway, as usual, I was impressed with their responses. They could clearly articulate what was important in their lives. They talked openly about the unnecessary things they continued to spend time and energy on. Honestly, my students gave most of the same answers that I would have given.

The most insightful part was our discussion about what to do about this new self-discovery. It’s one thing to acknowledge what is important and admit that you are not as focused on those things as you would like to be. It is an entirely different thing to be able to articulate and execute a plan to close the gap.

As you look over their list, think about your own life garden.

Top 10 Plants – Important to Us

  1. Family
  2. School
  3. Friends
  4. Work
  5. Spiritual
  6. Sports/Exercise
  7. Self-care
  8. Happiness
  9. Health
  10. Responsibilities

Top 10 Weeds – Waste of Time/Energy

  1. Social Media
  2. Phone
  3. Stress/Anxiety/Overthinking
  4. TV/Movies
  5. Procrastination
  6. Shopping
  7. Sugar
  8. Social Activities
  9. Multitasking
  10. Saying “yes” to Everything

So, what’s the solution?

The first step is self-reflection. We need to reflect on what is truly important. Whatever they are, it’s your life, they’re your priorities. Maybe they aren’t the same as someone else’s. That’s fine. After all, you are the one who will answer for your life choices.

Next, we have to take an honest look at our lives and see where our time and energy are going. This doesn’t have to be a minute-by-minute accounting ledger. It can be as easy as looking back over the day to see what you actually spent time doing or thinking about.

Then, we need to assess whether or not our time and energy are going toward the things that we identified as priorities. This is probably the easiest part of the entire process. I said it was important, and either I did it or I didn’t.

Now, here comes the hard part. This is where we figure out how to stop watering the weeds and start focusing on what’s important. For some people, it will be as easy as deleting some apps on their phones. For others, it might mean scheduling time for the things that are important…and actually sticking to it.

Here are a couple of self-reflection questions that have helped me.

  • Based on Shojai’s analogy, which five plants do you want in your garden? How much time and energy do those five plants need?
  • What weeds do you continue to water?
  • Why do you continue to water each of these weeds? What needs do they fulfill? Do they provide you with companionship, belonging, safety, or love? Or do they simply serve as a distraction from the hard work of life?
  • Can you think of an easy way to hold yourself accountable?
  • Do you journal? Maybe a daily journal practice will help keep account of your time and energy.
  • Could these priorities be written as goals?
  • Do you keep track of progress toward your goals?
  • How can saying yes to one thing mean saying no to other things?
  • How does all of this relate to procrastination and prioritization?

If you are concerned about the time you spend on social media or your phone, try downloading an app to help monitor your usage. Two apps that I know of are Moment and BreakFree. Who knows, getting a handle on this one area may help control the growth of the other weeds like stress, procrastination, and multitasking.

If you are interested in learning more about how to stop time, click on the link to register for access to the free video by Pedram Shojai: http://urltag.net/BqnhV

Categories
Awareness & Perception Mindfulness & Peacefulness

Shifting Shadows

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What if the doorway to lasting freedom, peace, and happiness was at the end of a long, dimly lit hallway? You can’t see the door, but you’ve heard that it’s there. All you can see are strange, shifting shadows. Some of these shadows are familiar, but others are not.

You look around and notice that there are openings along the hallway. The light through these openings is distorted, filtered, and sometimes even blocked by whatever is out there. You wonder what it is that’s causing these shadows because you know that you want to walk toward the doorway.

After thinking about it for a few minutes, you realize that these shadows are the only things between you and the opportunity to enjoy lasting freedom, peace, and happiness.

What would you do? 

I would have to ask myself a few questions. Are shadows really things? Do they have a substance? Can you touch them, hold them, weigh or measure them? How can a shadow stand between you and your opportunities?

This sounds like the beginning of a very interesting fictional story, but it isn’t. This is the story of our lives.

These shadows are real.

Shadows are the parts of ourselves that have been disowned, neglected, and pushed to the side. These are the parts that we learned were unacceptable because they didn’t fit with what our family or society wanted us to be. Maybe these are the parts of yourself that don’t fit with what you want to be or how you want others to see you.

The interesting thing is that we may not even be aware of some of these shadows in our personality.

Have you ever wondered why everyone is being so ____________?

Fill in the blank however you choose. Some people might fill in the blank with words like angry, impatient, greedy, rude, insensitive, etc.

For me, lately, I have wondered why everyone is being so illogical. Things are happening that seem to make no sense at all. There are processes that don’t work and policies that don’t accomplish the goal they were intended to accomplish. People are doing things that are truly out of line with what any logical person would understand to be the way the world should work.

Why is this a problem for me? It’s not because these people or their illogical actions and policies directly impact me. Honestly, it’s really not a problem for me personally. There is no logical reason why I should have an emotional reaction to these things.

Thankfully, I have been practicing meditation and am able to notice these reactions within myself. That doesn’t mean I don’t experience the emotions or react without thinking. In fact, I have watched myself rant and rave about some illogical action and then wondered why I am being so illogical. At least I am able to bring the light of awareness to these previously hidden aspects of my personality.

Do the ideas of shadow and light seem familiar?

We could go back to the Bible to find references to shadows and light. Think about the book of Job. It is full of shadow language. There are also references to finding protection in the shadow. This makes sense because sometimes our shadow can protect us from aspects of ourselves that are too painful to face right now.

“He uncovers the hidden dimensions from darkness, bringing what is in deep shadow into light.” – Job 12:22 (ISV)

Around the same time, the Chinese presented this concept of light and shadow in the Tao Te Ching. The text was written around 500 BC to provide instruction about how to find balance in all things, including the way to live a virtuous life.

“A being must carry the shadow to embrace the light, and blend these vital breaths to make harmony.” – Tao Te Ching

The concept of “shadow work” has been a part of psychology since the time of Jung. He described the shadow as the disowned part of the self. Jung even went as far as to say that we project our disowned parts onto other people.

“Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” – Jung

Here’s where the work comes in.

So, following the logic of Jung, these emotional triggers may be aspects of our shadows. We see them in other people and situations rather than recognizing them in ourselves or allowing ourselves to experience and own them.

According to this framework, seeing illogical people, processes, and situations all around me and having a strong emotional reaction to these things indicates that I have some personal work to do in this area.

Why do I have work to do in this area? Because I don’t like being pushed around by thought processes and feelings that are not making my life better.

Because I choose to walk down the dimly lit, winding hallway, I choose to face the shadows and see what is creating them.

Ready to do some shadow work?

Here are some suggestions for those of you who are brave enough to look for the shadows, sit with the discomfort, and learn the lessons that are presented.

  • Approach this process with an attitude of curiosity
  • Accept that we (and others) are both light and shadow
  • Practice meditation
  • Figure out which people, places, and situations trigger strong emotions
  • Stop running from your shadow by distracting yourself, numbing yourself, and zoning out
  • When you find aspects of your shadow, bring the light of love to those parts of yourself
  • Practice self-compassion
  • Be patient with yourself as you develop the courage to sit with difficult emotions
  • Accept that sometimes we need a guide to point us in the right direction
Categories
Awareness & Perception Mindfulness & Peacefulness

Being Gentle with Emotions

Is “sangry” a word? It depends on who you ask. My Gordon students and I decided that if “hangry” could be an adjective and “Google” could be a verb, then “sangry” should have a place at the table too. 

I needed this word a few days ago. I just could not figure out how I felt about a situation. Sometimes I witness situations that leave me feeling confused. This was one of those situations. Eventually, I decided that I was both sad and angry. 

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CDC and ACEs

A few years ago, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) studied the impact of adverse childhood events (ACEs) on health. So, what are these ACEs? In short, ACEs are traumatic events. The CDC looked at instances of physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, parental divorce, parental mental health, parental substance abuse, and parental incarceration. I think we could all agree that those would be considered traumatic events. Unfortunately, they are all too common.

Think about your own past. How many ACEs do you think you experienced growing up? If you are a teacher, think about the things that some of your more challenging students have experienced. Chances are, the ones who are the most difficult have experienced the most trauma through exposure to ACEs.

The CDC found that more than half of their sample experienced at least one ACE. Almost 25% had experienced three or more ACEs. They also found that people who experienced more ACEs also had more obesity, mental health issues, smoking, heart disease, liver disease, suicide attempts, and more.

ACEs and Thinking

When we are constantly exposed to traumatic experiences, our brains learn to operate in survival mode. Our amygdala is the part of the brain that is naturally alert to any sign of danger, but trauma exaggerates this natural protection response.

Think about the last time you were watching a scary movie. If someone touched you on your shoulder or knocked on the door, you probably jumped, or maybe you even screamed. Now, imagine if you walked around in that hyper-alert state all the time. That would make life a little more challenging, wouldn’t it?

Another challenge with operating in survival mode is that it diverts brain energy away from the prefrontal cortex. This is the part of the brain that we use to think through things, plan our responses, monitor our behaviors, and delay gratification.

All of these functions are necessary to be successful in our daily lives. Unfortunately, when we are hijacked by the amygdala, our brains have a hard time doing anything besides focusing on keeping us safe and alive.

A Gentle Response

Knowing all this, how do we respond to people who are suffering from the effects of trauma or ACEs? Approaching the situation with gentleness seems like a good start.

Think about the last time you were upset, I mean really upset. Maybe you were very angry or frustrated or just extremely overwhelmed. Were you able to think rationally? Were you able to process the “if, then” statements or rational justifications from the people around you? Probably not. Most likely, you needed compassion first.

Being gentle with someone who is upset takes patience and compassion. In order to do this, we have to be able to take a step back and see the situation from their perspective. That’s not always easy to do, especially in the busyness of daily life. It can help to remember that they are probably confused, afraid, and extremely stressed.

Once the person is calm, then they can understand more rational logic. That’s when they can think about their actions and the consequences. While they are still upset, the only thing they can do is attempt to protect themselves, in whatever way they have learned. By balancing compassion and consequences, we can begin to help people move forward in a more resourceful manner.

So, from my perspective, my first goal when working with someone who is upset is to help them calm down. I will get on their level and ask them to breathe with me. I might even gently touch their hand or shoulder. I will definitely make sure my facial expression and tone of voice demonstrate compassion. Once they can think and speak clearly, I will use those fabulous active listening strategies. It takes a little extra effort to engage this way, but it’s worth it in the end.

 

 

Categories
Mindfulness & Peacefulness Thoughts on Change

We all Miss the Mark

Do you know anyone who constantly criticizes themselves for not being perfect? You know, that person who always has to do everything right. If they make one mistake, they spend the next few days beating themselves up. I used to be one of those people. I began to realize that perfect was unattainable when I started teaching yoga. In fact, I still can’t do a headstand. But, practicing the headstand taught me that it was ok to fall and get back up again.

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I’ve been reading some research articles by Dr. Kristin Neff. She has spent her career studying self-compassion. You can find a free self-compassion test on her website. This post is my attempt to summarize her ideas and provide some practical tips.

Self-compassion is understood to have three components: an awareness of personal suffering, the recognition that we are all human, and the ability to offer comfort to ourselves. If you are self-critical, tend to get stuck in fear of failure, relive bad decisions that you made, or have thoughts about never being enough, the practice of self-compassion might be just what you need.

We all Experience Suffering

In my opinion, the first step is the hardest. For some reason, we tend to think that beating ourselves up will motivate us to do better next time. This is simply not true. In fact, it actually creates an extra barrier to our progress.

In order to experience self-compassion, we have to recognize that we are suffering and in need of compassion. Many times we fall short of our ideals, fail to reach our goals, or somehow miss the mark. Instead of recognizing that we are suffering, we begin to criticize ourselves.

You may not even recognize this self-criticism because it seems like such a natural thing to do. It might include things like, “I can’t believe I…,” “I shouldn’t have…, “I can’t ever…,” or “I always….” You might even find yourself repeatedly reliving the event or situation in your mind.

If you’ve been meditating and developed a basic level of mindfulness, you might catch this negative self-talk before it gets any worse. If not, you might end up saying things to yourself that you would never say to your worst enemy.

We are all Human

Once you can identify that you are suffering, then you have a choice of how to respond. You can choose to focus on your own suffering, believing that you are the only person in the world who has experienced this problem or you can choose a different perspective.

You can remind yourself that other people have experienced this before. In fact, other people are probably going through a similar problem right now. We are all flawed humans. No one is perfect. No matter what the outside image portrays, everyone faces challenges.

We all Deserve Compassion

Being compassionate toward others seems so easy. We see a person suffering, we recognize their pain, and we have some desire to relieve it. The sad truth is that many people who offer compassion to others fail to offer that same compassion to themselves.

Being compassionate towards ourselves is a very different story. For some reason, we seem to hold ourselves to a higher standard than we hold other people. If a friend makes a mistake, we offer understanding, comfort, and encouragement. Wouldn’t it be great if we could offer those same things to ourselves?

It’s really very simple. Just think of yourself as you would think of someone you love. Shift your self-talk from criticizing to comforting. Admit that you are suffering. Acknowledge the hurt, stress, discomfort, fear, pain, anger, etc. Whatever the emotion is, acknowledge it. Name it and feel it. Sit with the emotion instead of running from it or blaming someone else.

Once you can acknowledge and accept the emotion, then you are ready to offer yourself some love. Tell yourself that you are human. Remind yourself that we all make mistakes. Check in with yourself and ask what you need right now. Encourage yourself to try again. You could even put your hands over your heart or give yourself a hug.

The emotional freedom technique (EFT), created by Gary Craig, also helps to encourage self-compassion. It always begins with some version of this statement: “Even though I have this (pain, emotion, memory), I deeply and completely accept myself.”

Benefits of Self-Compassion

Having compassion for yourself will not erase the past or remove the natural consequences of your actions. What it will do is relieve you of the extra burden of continuing to punish yourself.

Self-compassion is related to increased life satisfaction, motivation, and happiness. It is also related to decreased stress, depression, and perfectionism. Those sound like worthy outcomes to me. It seems like it would make sense to practice self-compassion the next time we miss the mark.

Categories
Thoughts on Change

What is Dynamic Balance?

Dynamic balance is a term that is commonly used in physiology and mechanics. In the physical sense, it can be understood to mean that something is able to maintain balance while in motion or switching positions.

This can apply to the dynamic balance of a spinning top. It can also be seen in the dynamic balance of a yoga student standing on one leg in tree pose.

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When we break this term apart, we get two separate words with meanings of their own.

Dynamic (an adjective) – describes a process or system that is characterized by constant change, activity, or progress.

Balance (as a noun) – a condition in which different elements are in the correct proportions.

Balance (as a verb) – to keep or put something in a steady position so that it does not fall.

How does this relate to staying calm in the midst of chaos and change?

Applying the term dynamic balance to daily life, we come up with a system by which we keep ourselves in a steady state regardless of the chaos or change that is happening around us.

Sometimes staying steady is a good thing. Sometimes it’s not. With awareness and insight, you can determine when change is needed.

This site is dedicated to helping people understand the internal and external forces that can shift our balance.

There are simple tips, exercises, and questions that will allow you to see what keeps you balanced … and what might shift that balance in a more positive direction. You might decide that you like the state of balance that you are in. On the other hand, you might decide that you would like to shift the balance.

Maybe you want to find more peace and more freedom in your life. Maybe you will see the things you have been doing to hold yourself back from making the changes you truly want to make in your life.

Please Share and Comment

Are you interested in having more balance in your life? Can you see how it would benefit you to be able to stay calm and centered, even when things are shifting and spinning around you? What have you done to create more balance in your life?