Tag: metacognition training

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Awareness & Perception

Change Your Beliefs, Change Your Destiny

Did you know that your beliefs determine your reality? Your brain takes information from your senses, combines those sensations with your memories, and double-checks all of that against your beliefs about yourself, others, and the world.

Your beliefs act like filters that let certain things in and keep other things out. Anything that aligns with your beliefs will be easily noticed and even appear to be more prevalent than it really is.

If something does not align with your existing beliefs you probably won’t even recognize it. It’s possible that you could feel a little cognitive dissonance, but most people dismiss this and move on.

What do you believe?

The first step in changing your beliefs is to figure out what you really believe. For many people, there is a big difference between what they say or think they believe and what they actually believe. The most obvious way to figure this out is to critically observe all forms of communication.

What do you hear yourself saying to others?

What do you often say to yourself?

What do you say about yourself?

What do you say about other individuals, groups, or organizations?

There isn’t an easy answer here. You have to take every thought and word captive. Analyzing these will reveal longstanding patterns that have been determining your thoughts and actions.

By noticing what you say, you will gain access to an aspect of your unconscious. You will expose the tape that continues to play on repeat.

This is powerful because most of our thoughts and reactions are determined before the prefrontal cortex has a chance to weigh the pros and cons.

Are these beliefs true and adaptive?

Byron Katie writes about four questions, which she calls The Work. These questions are so simple that they can be used with children. I have used these questions for several years and can attest to their validity. Here they are:

  1. Is it true?
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
  3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
  4. Who would you be without that thought?

Whenever a thought arises that seems to be troublesome, it should be subjected to these four questions. After the questions is the turnaround. If you haven’t seen her work before, I highly recommend looking up Byron Katie.

What beliefs would be more adaptive?

If you don’t like the way your life is going, change your beliefs.

This comes down to being aware of common thought patterns, noticing when they appear, and replacing them with thoughts that move you in the direction you want to go. Determine what you need to believe to achieve your goals and remind yourself of these things as often as possible.

Cautions

Learn to recognize and embrace cognitive dissonance. It’s that uncomfortable tension we feel when our beliefs and actions don’t align. It also shows up when we hold two competing beliefs or commitments.

Your replacement thoughts need to be things you can believe. Positive affirmations that are too far from your current reality will not ring true. Instead, they will cause your brain to defend against them, which will ultimately backfire.

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Thoughts on Change

Ignorance Is Bliss, … Until It Isn’t 

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Do you remember the last time you tried to learn something new? Chances are you went through a typical process: you realized that what you were doing wasn’t working and you needed to do something different, you struggled for a while, and then finally it all came together.

The realization that you got it, that it all makes sense, is an amazing feeling! And as a professor, I get to see this happen all the time. Thankfully, I still get to have my own AHA moments too!

The Bliss of Ignorance

Just like everyone else, my students start out not knowing what they don’t know. In all honesty, this is a nice place to be sometimes because it allows you to keep doing the same things you’ve always done.

If you’re like me, you wonder what’s wrong. Maybe you even try to rationalize why you keep doing the same things even though you keep getting the same results.

At this point, we may not even know that there is a better way to do something because we’ve never seen or tried a better way. As the old saying goes, “ignorance is bliss”… until it isn’t.

Waking Up

Then, we move to the point where we realize that there is a gap in the knowledge. From my perspective, this is similar to waking up in the morning and feeling a little groggy. Learning to see things differently can be a little disorienting at first, but our brains are fully capable of reorganizing to understand new things.

Accepting that there is something we don’t know, that maybe we should know, and maybe it could even make our life better, is very frustrating for most people. We want to feel like we know whatever we need to know because that makes us feel good about ourselves. And we know we’re smart enough to learn what we need to know.

At this point, the frustration can lead to resistance. That’s normal because it means that our perspective will have to change to incorporate this new information into our worldview, and more importantly, our daily lives.

Sitting With Discomfort

Being able to witness someone understand a new concept for the first time is one of the best parts of teaching and coaching.

My students have described my class as a laid-back atmosphere where you can have deep conversations while you learn. At first, I was a little offended by the “laid-back” part. Aren’t college classrooms supposed to be highly structured, even rigid? Isn’t the professor supposed to stand in the front of the room and lecture while the students take notes?

I’m not that kind of teacher. After working through my assumptions and beliefs about teaching, I realized that my teaching style is in line with my beliefs. If you’ve read any of my other posts you understand why this belief alignment was an important process for me to work through.

I know that these AHA moments are rare when we are experiencing a lot of stress. In times of stress, our brain is primarily focused on keeping us safe and alive. We may even sabotage our efforts in order to maintain the comfortable status quo.

My students experience a lot of stress outside of the classroom, and they have the stress of learning new and challenging material. My delivery of the material can be the bridge that provides support through the process.

I operate the same way when I coach people. We start where we are, decide where we want to go, and explore the space in between. My focus is on getting people the best results they want to achieve with the least resistance and stress possible.

Putting it All Together

Eventually, the new learning takes shape. With practice, things that just didn’t make sense, finally come together.

After you step outside of your current view, you can see the issue from a whole new perspective. Suddenly, things become integrated, no longer in disconnected, chaotic pieces. At that point, it’s not possible to go back to seeing the world the way you did before.

That is the definition of learning. True learning is the incorporation of new knowledge that leads to permanent changes in thought and behavior.

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Awareness & Perception Thoughts on Change

Confirmation Bias: The Power of Our Beliefs

Why take the time to figure out what we believe? Whether we are aware of them or not, our beliefs about a specific area can greatly impact the assumptions that support those beliefs and the values we hold that are based on those beliefs.

Our beliefs guide our thoughts and behaviors. We tend to look for or create situations that support what we believe to be true.

Just think about everyone’s favorite blue donkey, Eeyore. He seemed to always find himself in the worst situations. Do you remember all those times when it only rained on him?

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Sometimes I have all the best intentions but then fall back into an old habit. Usually, that happens when I have an underlying limiting belief about what I can or can’t do. When I think about my assumptions and beliefs, I can begin to see how I could be unconsciously sabotaging my own efforts.

Acknowledging and analyzing beliefs can help us figure out several things. For now, let’s focus on these two:

  • why we aren’t consistently doing the things we want to do
  • why we continue to do things we don’t want to do

Henry Ford said it best when he said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t. You’re right.” Are there things that you believe you can or can’t do? Maybe you tried something one time and it didn’t go very well. Or maybe you thought about doing something different, but were told that you couldn’t do it. No matter how these limiting beliefs developed, now is a good time to reassess their truth and usefulness.

“Can”s and “Can’t”s: Internalized Beliefs

I have worked with many people who believe they can’t control their eating. They generally think that they are too weak or too emotional to choose the right food for their body. Usually, these limiting beliefs are related to their faulty assumptions about themselves, others, and/or the world.

Through individual coaching, I work with people to acknowledge and analyze their faulty assumptions and limiting beliefs. What I have seen is that people tend to pay attention to experiences that support what they already believe.

Science backs this up with studies about belief perseverance and the confirmation bias. Basically, these studies show that we more easily see things that are in line with our current beliefs.

Think about a time when you were in a really good mood. Maybe you woke up feeling energized, had the perfect cup of coffee, and got to work without struggling or rushing. However you achieved it, you were experiencing a higher than normal level of happiness. You probably noticed more people smiling at you. You might have even seen and taken advantage of additional opportunities that would increase your happiness. Maybe you noticed that the other drivers on the road were much more courteous to you.

Chances are, the external world was just the same as it has always been. The only difference was your perspective, which was based on your current filter of happiness.

This works the same with other things we believe about the world. If we believe that we can’t control our eating behavior, then we will see the world in a way that supports this belief. When we encounter a situation where we are tempted, we will fall back on habitual patterns instead of remembering the reasons we are choosing a different option. If we really believe that we can’t control our eating behavior, we may not even see the other options that are available to us.

If we believe that our current behaviors are protecting us or serving us in some way, we will continue to engage in those behaviors. There is a hidden logic to the way our brains work to protect us from perceived danger. Figuring out how you are unconsciously fulfilling your beliefs can make this hidden logic visible. Once you are aware of these beliefs, you are free to choose whether or not they need to be changed.

Acknowledging Our Beliefs

I believe that we can all choose to do things that are good for us. Acknowledging our beliefs is a good place to start. Once we know what we believe, we can test to see if those beliefs are true and helpful. We can also try out new beliefs that might be more productive.

Learning to let go of limiting beliefs is one of the keys to making positive changes and maintaining our motivation when it gets hard. If you want to explore your limiting beliefs, pick one thing that is not working well and explore your beliefs in that area. Watch your thoughts and behaviors in that specific area of your life.

These self-reflection questions are similar to the questions about faulty assumptions. The main difference is that we are now focusing on what you believe to be true, rather than what you assume that you, others, or the world should be or do. Beliefs are generally based on assumptions.

If you want to explore your limiting beliefs, ask yourself these questions:

  • Are there any patterns in my language that demonstrate what I believe? What do I repeatedly say to myself? What do I repeatedly say to others?
  • What are my “can”s, and “can’t”s?
  • Are these beliefs always true?
  • Are these beliefs currently helpful and productive?
  • What assumptions are holding up these beliefs? Are these assumptions still true, helpful, and productive?
  • Is there one belief that I could shift to something more helpful and productive?
  • What can I try over the next week that might allow me to see beyond my limiting beliefs?

Hopefully, these self-reflection questions will provide some insight about how limiting beliefs (and the underlying assumptions) contribute to our thoughts and behaviors.

Categories
Awareness & Perception Thoughts on Change

Backward Logic: Why who you are matters


The caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland asks Alice a very important question, “Who are you?” Alice can’t answer him. She doesn’t know who she is. Alice has experienced so many changes that she is no longer sure of anything.

I’ve asked people this same question. Their answers reveal a lot about what is important and what fuels their drive. Some people define themselves by their social roles (spouse, parent, friend), while other people define themselves by their career or interests. Most people don’t answer the question with statements of belief or value. How you answer the question can help you figure out a little more about yourself, including why you feel the way you do about your current situation.

Backward Logic: Have, Do, Be

Have you ever thought about the way most people approach their goals? I think about it all the time. I wonder why some people are able to achieve their goals with ease, but other people struggle to achieve any goals. I used to struggle with achieving goals. It was hard to set a goal and stick with it. I also struggled with what to do after I achieved a goal. Typically, I started planning my next goal as soon as the current goal was in sight. This kept me stuck in a cycle of constant striving without enjoying any sense of accomplishment.

After a lot of reading and thinking, I’ve started to believe that maybe we’ve been going at this the wrong way. Most people who struggle to achieve goals think they need to have something specific in order to finally be whatever it is they think they want to be.

The backward logic usually looks something like this: I want to have this thing, so I can do that, then I will be this.

I have done this many times with health, education, parenting, marriage, etc. I used to think I had to have all of the best parenting books and do all of the right things so that I would be a great mom. Do you know what I realized? My kids will love me regardless of what I do. I still want to do the best I can for my children, but my energy is no longer invested in learning all the right skills and doing all the right things. Now I am focused on being the best version of myself that I can be because I know that my daily actions and loving presence are more valuable than any parenting strategy.

Most recently, I thought I wanted to be a full-time college professor because I wanted to be more involved in research. I love to read research studies and apply them to everyday life. My love of research is part of the reason that I started this blog. I also enjoy asking questions and searching for answers. To me, that is the essence of research.

My backward logic was that I wanted to have the job, so I could read, apply, and conduct research studies, and then I would be more involved in research. That makes sense on the surface, but there’s another way to approach the situation.

Forward Logic: Am, Do, Have

Starting with the level of identity, we can quickly shift the process. Knowing who you are, including your gifts, strengths, and weaknesses allows you to move forward from where you are. It can be challenging to figure out who you really are in the sea of cultural expectations and media messages. Once you wade through all the noise, you can discover your own unique set of gifts and skills. But, you have to take time for self-awareness and self-reflection.

Here is the framework for this different kind of logic: I am this, so I will do this, and I will naturally have this.

In my situation, I flipped the process. I realized that I am involved in research now. I read and apply research studies while continuing my full-time school psychologist and part-time professor roles. Sometimes I get to research educational trends, such as meditation and resilience. I also try to stay up to date with the latest research on educational technology, Socratic questioning, and interactive teaching. I use this knowledge to become better at what I am already doing. Thinking about my current work in this way is similar to what Amy Wrzesniewski calls job crafting. She talks about ways to find purpose and meaning in any job.

This way of looking at the situation is powerful. With this view, I have the ability to see options that were previously outside my awareness. When I thought I had to have a specific job in order to do the things I wanted to do, I was a little frustrated. Now, I see more possibilities to use my interest in research to improve my performance in all areas.

I also have the freedom to choose my career path based on who I am and what I enjoy doing, rather than letting my preconceived idea of a job dictate my future.

Lessons Learned

I am still working through all of the implications of looking at life and goals this way. It’s very different from the typical goal-setting, constant achievement push that is so common in our world. So far, I’ve learned a few things:

  • “Who are you?” is a very important question. Most other factors rest on your understanding of your identity.
  • Achieving goals won’t necessarily give you happiness, or whatever else you thought you wanted.
  • Getting clear on the reason you want to achieve a goal can make a huge difference.
  • It is possible to make small changes in order to experience a greater sense of purpose and meaning in any job.
  • Sometimes the things that seem counterintuitive are the things you need to do first.

Are you ready to turn some of your logic around? Are you at the point where trying something new seems like the next right step? Coaching could help you clarify your identity, understand your goals, and figure out how to reach them.

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Awareness & Perception Thoughts on Change

When you assume, you make…

When you assume, you make…

We all know how that statement usually ends, but do you know why assumptions are so important to our daily lives? The assumptions we hold about ourselves, others, and the world can make or break our efforts to live an authentic life and be the best version of ourselves that we can be. These assumptions also serve as the support structure for our beliefs and values. Starting with our assumptions, we can effectively shift our beliefs and values to more successfully support our goals.

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Have you ever asked yourself why you keep doing things that don’t move you in the direction of your goals? Sometimes I find myself stuck in a cycle of thinking about what I should or shouldn’t be thinking or doing. Or worse, thinking about what others should or shouldn’t be doing. This may seem like a productive thing to do, but it actually drains all of the energy that I could be using to create the outcomes I want.

There are ways to keep moving in a positive direction, starting with understanding our faulty assumptions. Once we understand ourselves a little more, we can more easily choose to see things differently and respond in a more helpful, productive way.

“Should”s and “Shouldn’t”s: Faulty Assumptions 

Our past experiences help us develop assumptions about ourselves, others, and the world in general. Some of these assumptions are adaptive and helpful. For instance, many people have learned that they should get up and go to work each day. That is helpful because (in the best situations) work makes you feel good about your contribution to the world, encourages personal growth, and allows you to pay your bills. Other assumptions are not as helpful and actually keep us stuck in dysfunctional thought processes.

Media Messages

For example, let’s think about the media messages regarding what it means to be a woman in today’s world. We are taught that women should be beautiful (but make it look effortless), submissive (but be able to stand on our own), smart (but not smarter than others), compassionate (but hold ourselves to a standard of perfection), and employed (but also take care of the family and home). It is almost impossible to balance all of these shoulds and maintain any sense of being centered and calm, much less live from a place that feels authentic.

I am sure there are plenty of other shoulds that our young women today have internalized from the popular culture. You can probably think of a much longer list than this one. For example, my daughter “should” be a straight “A” student and a superstar athlete.

If like my daughter, you have tried to master several domains, you are aware of how difficult it can be to give 100% in every area of life. Learning who we are, living from our authentic self, and practicing self-compassion can help keep things in balance.

I don’t mean to leave out the men. I know they receive cultural messages and have internalized faulty assumptions too. If you are male or have important men in your life, you can probably recognize some of the shoulds that they are expected to uphold…men should be strong (but also sensitive), hardworking (but also available for the family), independent (but just needy enough to build relationships), and powerful (but also protective of others). Again, this balance is almost impossible without a stable base of self-knowledge from which to live an authentic life.

Family and Friends

These media messages aren’t the only place (or even the first place) where we learn cultural standards that can lead to faulty assumptions. We can also internalize them from our family and friends.

Some of these assumptions come from things we learned during our childhood. During the first few years of life, we are dependent on our parents for everything. Our parents are responsible for keeping us alive and teaching us how to interact with the world.

If we have parents who are responsive and caring, we tend to learn that the world is a safe place where our needs can be met. If on the other hand, we have parents who are abusive or neglectful, then we tend to learn that the world is not a safe place. We may even come to believe that we have to always keep our guard up or that everyone is out to get us.

I know that some psychologists have been criticized for blaming everything on parents, but there is no way around the fact that our parents are the primary influence during our early development. In fact, childhood trauma is highly correlated with mental health and physical health, even into adulthood.

I am not saying that we can blame all of our bad habits on our parents. What I am saying is that when we can recognize these influences, then we can take responsibility for our current thoughts and behaviors.

Moving beyond the early influence of parents, we also learn some of our assumptions from interacting with our friends and acquaintances.

Think about a time when you received praise for doing something well or achieving a major goal. Maybe you spent a lot of time and effort working on your physical beauty through eating healthy and exercising. If you were repeatedly praised for these improvements, you may have internalized the message that you should be beautiful or thin in order to be worthy of love (or praise, or admiration, or acceptance, etc.).

Testing Our Assumptions

Basing our worth on fulfilling faulty assumptions is a dangerous way to live. It’s also a very tentative way of understanding our place in the world. Without self-knowledge, we are floating in the wind, going whichever way the winds of life blow us. We are left without a stable base from which to interact with the world.

Exploring our assumptions is a good way to gain self-knowledge. If you want to explore your faulty assumptions, try watching your thought patterns and habitual behaviors in a specific area of your life. Pick one area that is not working well and explore your assumptions in that area. Ask yourself these questions:

  • What messages have I received from the media about this area of life?
  • What are my “should”s and “shouldn’t”s about myself, others, and the world?
  • Complete this statement: In order to be worthy, I should…
  • Complete this statement: In order to be worthy, I shouldn’t…
  • What childhood experiences might be related to these faulty assumptions?
  • Were there times in my life where these assumptions were helpful or protective?
  • Are there any patterns in my language that could reveal my assumptions? What do I repeatedly say to myself? What do I repeatedly say to others?
  • Are these assumptions always true?
  • Have there been times when I didn’t follow these assumptions? How did it work out?

Hopefully, these self-reflection questions will provide you with some insight about how your faulty assumptions are contributing to your current thoughts and behaviors.

If you need individual guidance, contact me.

Categories
Awareness & Perception Mindfulness & Peacefulness

Being Gentle with Emotions

Is “sangry” a word? It depends on who you ask. My Gordon students and I decided that if “hangry” could be an adjective and “Google” could be a verb, then “sangry” should have a place at the table too. 

I needed this word a few days ago. I just could not figure out how I felt about a situation. Sometimes I witness situations that leave me feeling confused. This was one of those situations. Eventually, I decided that I was both sad and angry. 

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CDC and ACEs

A few years ago, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) studied the impact of adverse childhood events (ACEs) on health. So, what are these ACEs? In short, ACEs are traumatic events. The CDC looked at instances of physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, parental divorce, parental mental health, parental substance abuse, and parental incarceration. I think we could all agree that those would be considered traumatic events. Unfortunately, they are all too common.

Think about your own past. How many ACEs do you think you experienced growing up? If you are a teacher, think about the things that some of your more challenging students have experienced. Chances are, the ones who are the most difficult have experienced the most trauma through exposure to ACEs.

The CDC found that more than half of their sample experienced at least one ACE. Almost 25% had experienced three or more ACEs. They also found that people who experienced more ACEs also had more obesity, mental health issues, smoking, heart disease, liver disease, suicide attempts, and more.

ACEs and Thinking

When we are constantly exposed to traumatic experiences, our brains learn to operate in survival mode. Our amygdala is the part of the brain that is naturally alert to any sign of danger, but trauma exaggerates this natural protection response.

Think about the last time you were watching a scary movie. If someone touched you on your shoulder or knocked on the door, you probably jumped, or maybe you even screamed. Now, imagine if you walked around in that hyper-alert state all the time. That would make life a little more challenging, wouldn’t it?

Another challenge with operating in survival mode is that it diverts brain energy away from the prefrontal cortex. This is the part of the brain that we use to think through things, plan our responses, monitor our behaviors, and delay gratification.

All of these functions are necessary to be successful in our daily lives. Unfortunately, when we are hijacked by the amygdala, our brains have a hard time doing anything besides focusing on keeping us safe and alive.

A Gentle Response

Knowing all this, how do we respond to people who are suffering from the effects of trauma or ACEs? Approaching the situation with gentleness seems like a good start.

Think about the last time you were upset, I mean really upset. Maybe you were very angry or frustrated or just extremely overwhelmed. Were you able to think rationally? Were you able to process the “if, then” statements or rational justifications from the people around you? Probably not. Most likely, you needed compassion first.

Being gentle with someone who is upset takes patience and compassion. In order to do this, we have to be able to take a step back and see the situation from their perspective. That’s not always easy to do, especially in the busyness of daily life. It can help to remember that they are probably confused, afraid, and extremely stressed.

Once the person is calm, then they can understand more rational logic. That’s when they can think about their actions and the consequences. While they are still upset, the only thing they can do is attempt to protect themselves, in whatever way they have learned. By balancing compassion and consequences, we can begin to help people move forward in a more resourceful manner.

So, from my perspective, my first goal when working with someone who is upset is to help them calm down. I will get on their level and ask them to breathe with me. I might even gently touch their hand or shoulder. I will definitely make sure my facial expression and tone of voice demonstrate compassion. Once they can think and speak clearly, I will use those fabulous active listening strategies. It takes a little extra effort to engage this way, but it’s worth it in the end.

 

 

Categories
Awareness & Perception

It’s All About Perspective

Have you ever had one of those days where everything that could go “wrong,” does go wrong? Well, I have. In fact, I’ve had many of those days. But, I’ve also had days where everything seems to go “right.”

The other day I was having a conversation with a couple of people. We were trying to figure out the best way to get something done. From my perspective, all I really needed was a definition of what they wanted. A couple of examples and non-examples would have been icing on the cake.

As the conversation continued, I started to realize that we were going in circles. At that point, I knew I was not going to get the clear guidance that I was looking for. Then I thought about all of the other things I needed to be doing. I felt myself slipping into a well-known pattern of cynical disconnection. I don’t really like to operate that way, so I made a choice.

I chose to take a few deep breaths. Once I was a little more centered, I remembered the technique that you will read in a few minutes. I tried this little thought experiment and immediately felt much better. I was able to rejoin the conversation from a different perspective. Although my question did not get answered, I was still able to see the value of spending my time in this particular conversation.

I’m starting to see that maybe it’s not always the things around me that are going wrong or right. Maybe it’s my view of those things that makes the difference. Maybe wrong and right are really based on where you stand when you look at the situation.

Three Steps to Shifting Your Perspective

Be Aware

In order to shift your perspective, first you have to pay attention to the fact that you have a unique perspective. We all see the world through our own filters of past experiences and internalized beliefs.

If you believe you are secure and the world is a safe place, then you may see things through a lens of order and predictability. You might have a sense that everything will work out in the end or that everything happens for a reason.

If you have a history of unresolved trauma, you may see many events as dangerous or negative. You might sense that everyone is out to get you or that bad things always happen to you.

Your current physical and mental condition also impact the filter through which you view the world. If you are stressed or tired, things will look more negative. If you are happy and nourished, things will look more positive. Knowing how you see the world will help you begin to determine if what you are seeing is truly reality or some skewed version based on your filters.

Knowing how you see the world will help you begin to determine if what you are seeing is truly reality or some skewed version based on your filters.

Another thing to be aware of is your triggers. Most people have things that trigger defensive, unproductive responses. These triggers could be situations, people, smells, visuals, etc. In the example above, my trigger was the feeling that I was wasting my time, which I believe is a valuable resource.

You want to learn your triggers because knowing what they are and how they effect you gives you more options. With awareness, you can more easily choose how to respond.

Be Curious

Once you are aware of your perspective, then you can start exploring it. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • How did I come to see the world this way?
  • Does this remind me of something in my past?
  • Is this a pattern for me?
  • Is there another way to see this situation?

If you are having a moment, you know, the kind where everything is horrible, just think of something unique. You could imagine what the world would look like if you saw everything upside down. You could also visualize the most curiously creative animal you can imagine. For me, in the conversation I talked about earlier, a purple elephant with green wings was the visual that came to mind.

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The goal here is to shift the energy in your brain away from the limbic system and back to the prefrontal cortex. Without going into the neuropsychology behind it, this simple thought experiment will allow your brain to calm down for a minute. Of course, you could also try some deep breathing or meditation.

Be Open

The last step is very simple. Just try to be open to seeing things from a different perspective. Think about how someone else, with a different past, or different resources, might view the situation.

As you practice recognizing your perspective, you will learn how to easily shift into a more desired state of mind. Being open to exploring your own thoughts and reactions will naturally lead to more awareness and more choice.

Please Share and Comment

Have you noticed how easy it is to get stuck seeing the world through your own filters? Imagine what your life would be like if you could recognize the past experiences and internal beliefs that inform your view of the world? What if you could identify and neutralize some of your triggers? Well, you can. It just takes some practice.

If you found this practice helpful, share it with your friends.

Categories
Awareness & Perception

How Are You Doing?

It’s common to walk past someone and say, “Hey, how are you?” Usually, we just keep walking without even waiting for an answer. I wonder if we ever ask ourselves how we are doing. When we do ask, do we stop to receive the answer?

Developing self-awareness will help you begin to recognize the things in your life that don’t serve your highest goals. Self-awareness will also alert you to subtle changes in your body, mind, and spirit before they become big problems. Ultimately, raising your awareness allows you to have more choices about how you will respond to anything in your life.

Over the past 15 years, I have been experimenting with different methods for raising awareness. I am much more aware now that I was back then, but I realize that it’s a life-long process. The best part is that once you learn the process, it typically takes less than a minute to check in with yourself. After a while, checking in with yourself will become a new habit. As one of my daughter’s favorite softball coaches, Megan Gant, says, “trust the process.”

When do you need to check in with yourself?

  • Right now!
  • Anytime you notice any intense emotions
  • Between tasks
  • At the red light or stop sign
  • Before any potentially stressful situation
  • Anytime you think about it

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Checking In

Check in with your body

Take a moment to notice your breathing. How does it feel? Is your breathing slow and deep or rapid and shallow? Do you notice the breath moving in and out of your nose? Do you notice your chest or stomach rising and falling with each breath?

Go through a quick scan of your body. Starting with your toes, bring your attention to each part of your body, all the way up to the top of your head. Did you notice any areas of tension? Are your shoulders tense or relaxed? How does your stomach feel? Are you holding any unnecessary tension anywhere in your body?

Check in with your mind

Noticing what you are thinking about is an interesting skill that seems to take some practice. Thoughts are very slippery. As soon as you recognize that you are thinking about something, it will likely shift to some other topic.

Just notice the thoughts for a moment. Is there a pattern? Are you reliving the past? Are you worrying about or planning for the future? Are you present, right here, right now? What are you saying to yourself?

Check in with your spirit

The spirit can be thought of as the part of us that incorporates our emotions, personality, spirituality, etc. It is something different than the intellectual mind.

This is the part people are asking about when they really want to know how you are. So, how are you feeling? Can you identify an emotion or two that come up for you right now? How is your connection with your spirituality? How is your motivation level? What about your stress level?

What now?

Think about how you truly feel right now. Take a minute to acknowledge and accept your current state, whatever it may be.

Read the list of suggestions below and try one that you think might work for you.

If you are feeling down and need some energy

  • do some physical activity: jumping jacks, speed walking, wall push-ups
  • get a drink of water
  • switch to a more interesting activity
  • take a nap or commit to getting better quality sleep

If you are feeling stressed, frustrated, angry, etc.

  • try belly breathing: focus on filling the belly with air on each inhale, keep the exhale slow and smooth
  • try extended exhale breathing: inhale for a count of 4, then exhale for a count of 6 or 8, whatever is comfortable for you
  • visualize someone or something you love
  • take a walk
  • of course, making a to-do list might be a good idea too

If you are feeling “just right”

  • remember this feeling so that you can access it again in the future
  • take a moment to be grateful for feeling good
  • maintain your awareness of your body, mind, and spirit throughout the day so you can notice anything that pulls you out of this state

Please Share and Comment

Have you tried this method of checking in with the body, mind, and spirit? Do you have any other methods for checking in and raising self-awareness? How could you benefit from increasing your own level of self-awareness?