Category: Mindfulness & Peacefulness

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Awareness & Perception Mindfulness & Peacefulness

The Rainmaker and the Politics of Chaos: Finding Inner Balance in a World on Fire

“Chaos is our diet.”
— Milton Mayer, They Thought They Were Free

It’s no secret that we live in chaotic times. The political landscape feels like an unending storm—divisive rhetoric, bad-faith arguments, the constant churn of misinformation. Every day brings a new crisis, another outrage, another call to take sides. Many of us feel exhausted, burnt out, and powerless in the face of it all.

This is where an old story, told by Carl Jung, offers us an unexpected key to navigating the madness. It is the story of the Rainmaker—a tale about balance, chaos, and how real change happens.

The Rainmaker’s Secret

Jung learned this story from Richard Wilhelm, a German scholar who lived in China. He told Jung of a small village suffering from a prolonged drought. The people had tried everything—prayers, sacrifices, rituals—but nothing worked. In desperation, they called for a Rainmaker, an old man with a reputation for summoning rain.

When the Rainmaker arrived, he did not perform any ceremonies or offer any elaborate solutions. Instead, he asked for a small hut outside the village and went into seclusion for three days.

And then—it rained.

When asked how he had caused the rain, the old man replied:

“I did not make the rain. When I arrived in the village, I saw that everything was out of balance. The people were in disharmony, and I too felt disturbed. So I withdrew into solitude until I was back in Tao, in harmony with myself. When I was in balance, the world around me followed.”

Chaos is Contagious—But So Is Balance

Jung saw this as a profound example of synchronicity—the idea that our inner world and the outer world are deeply connected. The Rainmaker did not manipulate the weather. He realigned himself with natural order, and when he did, the balance was restored.

This is an important lesson for us today.

Politics is, by its very nature, a mirror of collective consciousness. The anger, fear, and division we see in the world are not just external—they are also deeply internalized. And as the saying goes: hurt people hurt people. A world out of balance creates individuals out of balance, and individuals out of balance reinforce the chaos of the world.

We see this playing out every day. Social media algorithms thrive on conflict, amplifying outrage and making division profitable. The more emotionally reactive we become, the easier we are to manipulate. Fear and frustration spread like a virus, keeping us perpetually distracted, exhausted, and fighting the wrong battles.

But what if, instead of feeding the chaos, we took a different approach?

Becoming Rainmakers in a World of Fire

If the Rainmaker teaches us anything, it is this: you cannot heal a broken system by mirroring its dysfunction. When everything is in disorder, the answer is not more disorder. The answer is balance.

This does not mean passivity or inaction—far from it. The Rainmaker’s power came from discipline, focus, and intentional withdrawal from the chaos. He knew that reacting impulsively would only deepen the imbalance. Instead, he practiced alignment—a conscious recalibration that allowed him to influence the world around him.

So, what does this mean for us today?

  1. Step Back Before You Step In
    • We are constantly being pulled into reaction mode—another scandal, another outrage cycle. But reaction alone is not action. The Rainmaker reminds us to pause, to ask: What energy am I bringing into this? Am I adding to the chaos or working to restore balance?
  2. Cultivate Inner Alignment
    • This does not mean tuning out the world—it means grounding ourselves before engaging. Whether through meditation, deep reading, long walks, or thoughtful conversations, we must strengthen our own sense of clarity and purpose before taking part in the larger dialogue.
  3. Embrace Slow, Intentional Influence
    • The Rainmaker did not force the rain—he allowed balance to emerge naturally. In a political climate that thrives on urgency and panic, we must resist the pressure to act impulsively. Real change is slow, strategic, and deeply personal. It begins with how we treat our neighbors, how we approach difficult conversations, and how we model the world we want to create.
  4. Recognize the Power of Contagious Calm
    • Just as fear spreads, so does stability. When we embody calmness, we disrupt the cycle of reactionary chaos. When we engage with wisdom instead of outrage, we shift the conversation. This does not mean avoiding difficult truths—it means facing them with a clear mind, not a fractured one.

A Different Kind of Resistance

The world does not need more panic. It does not need more people consumed by rage, fighting battles they don’t even believe in just because they feel they have to choose a side. The world needs more Rainmakers—people willing to withdraw from the madness long enough to remember what balance feels like.

We do not fix chaos by becoming chaotic. We do not restore sanity by embracing collective insanity. We bring rain by remembering that calm is also contagious.

In an era where “chaos is our diet,” this is a radical act. And perhaps, a necessary one.

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Mindfulness & Peacefulness Thoughts on Change

Intentions for 2018

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What are your intentions for this year? New year, new you? Good luck with that.

My intentions are a little closer to where I am right now. New year, same me, different focus. I’ve learned that it is much easier to make incremental changes than it is to attempt an entire re-creation of myself.

Maybe you’re different. Maybe you can set a goal, do what you need to do, and mark it off the list.

For whatever reason, my past goals have been so far from my current position that sometimes I couldn’t really see how to get there from here. This year I’m trying something new. Instead of resolutions or goals, I have set intentions.

So, here we go…

I intend to be truly helpful

According to ACIM, there is a basic prayer that goes like this:

“I am here only to be truly helpful. I do not have to worry about what I say or do because He who sent me will direct me.”

I love this. All I have to do is align with my intention to be helpful. I can do that, most days.

I have used the extended version of this prayer in the past. It’s awesome. This prayer always puts me in the right mindset to provide the most loving support I can in any situation.

Surprisingly, sometimes that means keeping my mouth shut. Other times it means smiling and meeting people where they are at that moment.

I intend to remain in alignment with myself and with God

This one is a little more difficult, not because it’s truly harder, but because it requires a different type of dedication.

In order to remain in alignment, I have to be aware of how I am feeling at any given moment. I have to check in and see how something resonates deep inside of me.

If you’ve never been aware of experiencing this kind of resonance, it’s like looking out at the world and noticing that everything feels right. You didn’t do anything to make it feel right, it just does.

This year I want to notice that feeling more often. I also want to notice when things don’t feel right. I want to pay attention to my instincts or what we call our gut feelings.

When things don’t feel right, my plan is to find a thought or feeling that will bring me closer to alignment. I might not get there immediately, but any movement closer to alignment is better than a movement away from alignment.

The basic question here is this: Does this thought make me feel better or worse? If the thought is true and it makes me feel better, then we have a winner!

Self-reflection

So, what are your intentions for 2018? How do you intend to show up this year?

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Awareness & Perception Mindfulness & Peacefulness

I’ll Be Happy When…

I’ll be happy when I’m 25. Then I will be out of college, married, and have a stable career. That seems crazy, right? Well, in my 17-year-old mind, it seemed like a logical conclusion. I thought that adults had it all figured out.

The age of 25 came and went. I achieved those goals, but I still had not found that elusive thing called happiness. Maybe I’m the only one who decided that I’ll be happy when I reach some goal or achievement, but I doubt it.

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Temporary Happiness

In one way or another, we are all looking for happiness. The word means different things to different people. Some people believe that joy comes from having a certain amount of money or things. Other people think they will be happy when they are at their ideal weight or fitness level. Or, my favorite, we wait all week for the weekend so we can relax and enjoy our time.

The list could go on and on. I’m sure you can think of many other criteria we place on happiness.

The sad part is that these things rarely, if ever, fulfill us. It’s nice to have enough money to pay your bills, but researchers have found that beyond providing a comfortable life, more money does not necessarily bring more happiness.

The same logic applies to weight loss or fitness goals. They might provide a temporary feeling of happiness, but we usually find ourselves back in our old habitual patterns, judging ourselves and never measuring up.

Inevitably, we find ourselves doing the same things and getting the same results.

We Deserve to Feel Happiness

When you’re a psychologist/professor/coach/yoga teacher, people expect you to have all the answers, but sometimes you’re so busy and stressed that you end up sitting on the bathroom floor crying because you can’t remember your son’s field day t-shirt. That’s when you know something’s got to change.

That’s what happened to me a few years ago. I used to be very perfectionistic. I would run around all the time making sure everything was done and done right. People would always say things like, “you’re a human being, not a human doing.” Somehow, I thought that if I kept myself busy doing everything that one day I would do enough to deserve to be happy.

I couldn’t sit down and be happy if there was laundry to fold or dishes in the sink. Wives and mothers are supposed to keep the house clean, right? Going outside for a leisurely walk to look at flowers and butterflies was completely out of the question. If I was going to put on tennis shoes, then I was going jogging. Otherwise, there were things that needed to be done in the house.

I couldn’t allow myself to do something that made me happy if there was anything left that needed to be done. Unfortunately, there never came a time when everything was done.

Being Productively Unproductive

After more than a decade of practicing yoga and meditation, if finally made sense. I had to slow down. Being still was productive. What did it produce? Well, for starters, true happiness.

When I found a consistent morning routine, my entire outlook on life changed. It started out small. At first, I was just sitting in silence for five minutes each morning. That’s not much time, but it’s enough to create a habit. Once I was able to watch my thoughts in meditation, I noticed that I was becoming more aware of my thoughts when I wasn’t meditating.

I started to notice how many things I was doing at the same time. I was very productive. If you look at my computer right now, you will see a couple of tabs open, but that’s nothing compared to what I used to do. At one point, I was writing reports, checking email, listening to a webinar, and preparing a presentation within the same timeframe. I would switch back and forth between tasks because I didn’t have time to wait for the computer to save my current draft or load a new website. Yes, I was very productive, but I was also very stressed.

After I had enough awareness to notice how this extreme level of productivity was increasing my stress, I realized that I needed to make another change.

Do What You’re Doing

The next small change I made was to practice monotasking. That’s a fancy word for doing one thing at a time. I still think it’s crazy that we live in a world where we need a word such as monotasking, much less that it’s something I found myself in need of practicing.

I’m still not great at monotasking, but I try. If I am working on an email and a teacher walks into my office, I will stop what I am doing and shift my focus to whatever they need to talk about. I do the same thing with my kids. When I talk to them, I stop and focus on them. I look in their eyes and try to feel what they are saying.

I realized that I needed to actually do what I was doing. If my mind was split between several different activities, none of them got my full attention.

Finding Your Happy Place

Now my morning routine involves meditation, yoga, and journaling. If I only have time for one of the three, I always choose meditation.

Why? Because on the days I don’t meditate, my life doesn’t quite work right. Something just feels off. I’m more easily annoyed. Little things feel like giant stressors. I am less connected to my family, friends, co-workers, and students. The quality of my work suffers.

I have finally found a routine that works. With meditation, I realized that I can find my happy place everywhere I go.

Meditation might not be what helps you find happiness. For most people, meditation is a tool to increase awareness. You can begin today by becoming aware of what people, experiences, and activities make you happy.

Bonus: Download your free happiness checklist now. Click here to get it

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Awareness & Perception Mindfulness & Peacefulness

Shadow Boxing

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In the previous post, Shifting Shadows, I wrote about how we can identify and work with our own shadows. In essence, the shadow is composed of those parts of our personality that we hide from the world and possibly from ourselves.

For some people, the shadow has characteristics of extreme anger, jealousy, greed, neediness, ignorance, etc. Regardless of what parts of yourself have been deemed unacceptable by you or by society, if they are part of you then they are still there…lurking in the shadows.

Others Have Shadows Too

Since we don’t live in this world alone, it stands to reason that we will interact with other people. Guess what those people have? They have shadows too.

How do we know if we are interacting with repressed, unowned parts of another person? Well, sometimes we won’t know. Sometimes there is no way to tell what is happening with the other person. But, there are a few clues that can point us in the right direction.

  1. Defensiveness – Look for unprovoked defensive responses. Typically, you will notice repeated efforts to explain, defend, or deny an action. Some people even try to shift the blame when they become defensive.
  2. Emotionality – Pay attention to the times when people become overly emotional. They may be having a bad day, but they may also be unconsciously acting out aspects of their shadow.
  3. Projection – Sometimes people will unconsciously attribute their unwanted emotions or beliefs onto others. Look for times when someone may be asking you why you are so angry (replace with any other emotion/behavior/belief) or treating you like you are angry, but you truly know that you are not angry. This is an indication that they are unconsciously projecting this onto you.

Bill Harris, the founder of Centerpointe Research Institute, loves to say that awareness brings choice. When you are aware of your own personality and are able to watch yourself interact with others, then you can begin to recognize their shadows too.

Until you are able to wake up and increase your awareness of your own thoughts and feelings, then you will not be able to effectively distinguish between your shadow and someone else’s shadow.

How to Stop Shadow Boxing

It’s great to be able to recognize when you might be interacting with aspects of someone’s shadow. Now that we think we know what’s happening, what do we do?

We have a couple of options.

  1. Keep shadow boxing – You know how this feels. At the end of the interaction, you feel exhausted and frustrated. Nothing was accomplished. Noone learned anything or came to any new conclusions. Someone’s feelings got hurt. Noone grew emotionally or spiritually.
  2. Treat them with kindness – If you have enough awareness to realize this is happening, then you have the ability to choose a different response. Because you were once, probably not too long ago, where they are, you know how hard it can be to identify and reintegrate your shadow.
  3. Walk away – Sometimes it’s just easier to walk away from the person or situation. There will be days when you don’t have the awareness, inner balance, or emotional resilience to find kindness for this person. Dodging their attacks might be better for you both in the long run. This may seem like taking the easy way out. And it might be. But, sometimes easy is a good thing.

Regardless of which option you choose each day, the best part is knowing that when you are awake and aware, then you have a choice. But, be patient with yourself. We all fall asleep sometimes, right?

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Awareness & Perception Mindfulness & Peacefulness

Shifting Shadows

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What if the doorway to lasting freedom, peace, and happiness was at the end of a long, dimly lit hallway? You can’t see the door, but you’ve heard that it’s there. All you can see are strange, shifting shadows. Some of these shadows are familiar, but others are not.

You look around and notice that there are openings along the hallway. The light through these openings is distorted, filtered, and sometimes even blocked by whatever is out there. You wonder what it is that’s causing these shadows because you know that you want to walk toward the doorway.

After thinking about it for a few minutes, you realize that these shadows are the only things between you and the opportunity to enjoy lasting freedom, peace, and happiness.

What would you do? 

I would have to ask myself a few questions. Are shadows really things? Do they have a substance? Can you touch them, hold them, weigh or measure them? How can a shadow stand between you and your opportunities?

This sounds like the beginning of a very interesting fictional story, but it isn’t. This is the story of our lives.

These shadows are real.

Shadows are the parts of ourselves that have been disowned, neglected, and pushed to the side. These are the parts that we learned were unacceptable because they didn’t fit with what our family or society wanted us to be. Maybe these are the parts of yourself that don’t fit with what you want to be or how you want others to see you.

The interesting thing is that we may not even be aware of some of these shadows in our personality.

Have you ever wondered why everyone is being so ____________?

Fill in the blank however you choose. Some people might fill in the blank with words like angry, impatient, greedy, rude, insensitive, etc.

For me, lately, I have wondered why everyone is being so illogical. Things are happening that seem to make no sense at all. There are processes that don’t work and policies that don’t accomplish the goal they were intended to accomplish. People are doing things that are truly out of line with what any logical person would understand to be the way the world should work.

Why is this a problem for me? It’s not because these people or their illogical actions and policies directly impact me. Honestly, it’s really not a problem for me personally. There is no logical reason why I should have an emotional reaction to these things.

Thankfully, I have been practicing meditation and am able to notice these reactions within myself. That doesn’t mean I don’t experience the emotions or react without thinking. In fact, I have watched myself rant and rave about some illogical action and then wondered why I am being so illogical. At least I am able to bring the light of awareness to these previously hidden aspects of my personality.

Do the ideas of shadow and light seem familiar?

We could go back to the Bible to find references to shadows and light. Think about the book of Job. It is full of shadow language. There are also references to finding protection in the shadow. This makes sense because sometimes our shadow can protect us from aspects of ourselves that are too painful to face right now.

“He uncovers the hidden dimensions from darkness, bringing what is in deep shadow into light.” – Job 12:22 (ISV)

Around the same time, the Chinese presented this concept of light and shadow in the Tao Te Ching. The text was written around 500 BC to provide instruction about how to find balance in all things, including the way to live a virtuous life.

“A being must carry the shadow to embrace the light, and blend these vital breaths to make harmony.” – Tao Te Ching

The concept of “shadow work” has been a part of psychology since the time of Jung. He described the shadow as the disowned part of the self. Jung even went as far as to say that we project our disowned parts onto other people.

“Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” – Jung

Here’s where the work comes in.

So, following the logic of Jung, these emotional triggers may be aspects of our shadows. We see them in other people and situations rather than recognizing them in ourselves or allowing ourselves to experience and own them.

According to this framework, seeing illogical people, processes, and situations all around me and having a strong emotional reaction to these things indicates that I have some personal work to do in this area.

Why do I have work to do in this area? Because I don’t like being pushed around by thought processes and feelings that are not making my life better.

Because I choose to walk down the dimly lit, winding hallway, I choose to face the shadows and see what is creating them.

Ready to do some shadow work?

Here are some suggestions for those of you who are brave enough to look for the shadows, sit with the discomfort, and learn the lessons that are presented.

  • Approach this process with an attitude of curiosity
  • Accept that we (and others) are both light and shadow
  • Practice meditation
  • Figure out which people, places, and situations trigger strong emotions
  • Stop running from your shadow by distracting yourself, numbing yourself, and zoning out
  • When you find aspects of your shadow, bring the light of love to those parts of yourself
  • Practice self-compassion
  • Be patient with yourself as you develop the courage to sit with difficult emotions
  • Accept that sometimes we need a guide to point us in the right direction
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Guided Meditation Mindfulness & Peacefulness

Guided Meditation: Progressive Muscle Relaxation

When I teach yoga, I always end the practice with progressive muscle relaxation. People usually love progressive muscle relaxation, even if they have a hard time with other forms of meditation.

This technique is so powerful that one of the softball players asked me to come home with her and do this every night as she’s going to bed. I couldn’t do that, but I can offer you this guided meditation.

Progressive muscle relaxation is good to use when your mind is so active that you just can’t focus on breathing. It also works as a nightly routine, especially if you have trouble sleeping.

After you practice this a few times, you will become more aware of the connection between your mind and body. Then you will be able to notice when you are tense and begin to relax on your own.

This technique is so simple, and I’m sure you can learn to do it. I hope you enjoy it!

 

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Awareness & Perception Mindfulness & Peacefulness

Being Gentle with Emotions

Is “sangry” a word? It depends on who you ask. My Gordon students and I decided that if “hangry” could be an adjective and “Google” could be a verb, then “sangry” should have a place at the table too. 

I needed this word a few days ago. I just could not figure out how I felt about a situation. Sometimes I witness situations that leave me feeling confused. This was one of those situations. Eventually, I decided that I was both sad and angry. 

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CDC and ACEs

A few years ago, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) studied the impact of adverse childhood events (ACEs) on health. So, what are these ACEs? In short, ACEs are traumatic events. The CDC looked at instances of physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, parental divorce, parental mental health, parental substance abuse, and parental incarceration. I think we could all agree that those would be considered traumatic events. Unfortunately, they are all too common.

Think about your own past. How many ACEs do you think you experienced growing up? If you are a teacher, think about the things that some of your more challenging students have experienced. Chances are, the ones who are the most difficult have experienced the most trauma through exposure to ACEs.

The CDC found that more than half of their sample experienced at least one ACE. Almost 25% had experienced three or more ACEs. They also found that people who experienced more ACEs also had more obesity, mental health issues, smoking, heart disease, liver disease, suicide attempts, and more.

ACEs and Thinking

When we are constantly exposed to traumatic experiences, our brains learn to operate in survival mode. Our amygdala is the part of the brain that is naturally alert to any sign of danger, but trauma exaggerates this natural protection response.

Think about the last time you were watching a scary movie. If someone touched you on your shoulder or knocked on the door, you probably jumped, or maybe you even screamed. Now, imagine if you walked around in that hyper-alert state all the time. That would make life a little more challenging, wouldn’t it?

Another challenge with operating in survival mode is that it diverts brain energy away from the prefrontal cortex. This is the part of the brain that we use to think through things, plan our responses, monitor our behaviors, and delay gratification.

All of these functions are necessary to be successful in our daily lives. Unfortunately, when we are hijacked by the amygdala, our brains have a hard time doing anything besides focusing on keeping us safe and alive.

A Gentle Response

Knowing all this, how do we respond to people who are suffering from the effects of trauma or ACEs? Approaching the situation with gentleness seems like a good start.

Think about the last time you were upset, I mean really upset. Maybe you were very angry or frustrated or just extremely overwhelmed. Were you able to think rationally? Were you able to process the “if, then” statements or rational justifications from the people around you? Probably not. Most likely, you needed compassion first.

Being gentle with someone who is upset takes patience and compassion. In order to do this, we have to be able to take a step back and see the situation from their perspective. That’s not always easy to do, especially in the busyness of daily life. It can help to remember that they are probably confused, afraid, and extremely stressed.

Once the person is calm, then they can understand more rational logic. That’s when they can think about their actions and the consequences. While they are still upset, the only thing they can do is attempt to protect themselves, in whatever way they have learned. By balancing compassion and consequences, we can begin to help people move forward in a more resourceful manner.

So, from my perspective, my first goal when working with someone who is upset is to help them calm down. I will get on their level and ask them to breathe with me. I might even gently touch their hand or shoulder. I will definitely make sure my facial expression and tone of voice demonstrate compassion. Once they can think and speak clearly, I will use those fabulous active listening strategies. It takes a little extra effort to engage this way, but it’s worth it in the end.

 

 

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Mindfulness & Peacefulness Thoughts on Change

We all Miss the Mark

Do you know anyone who constantly criticizes themselves for not being perfect? You know, that person who always has to do everything right. If they make one mistake, they spend the next few days beating themselves up. I used to be one of those people. I began to realize that perfect was unattainable when I started teaching yoga. In fact, I still can’t do a headstand. But, practicing the headstand taught me that it was ok to fall and get back up again.

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I’ve been reading some research articles by Dr. Kristin Neff. She has spent her career studying self-compassion. You can find a free self-compassion test on her website. This post is my attempt to summarize her ideas and provide some practical tips.

Self-compassion is understood to have three components: an awareness of personal suffering, the recognition that we are all human, and the ability to offer comfort to ourselves. If you are self-critical, tend to get stuck in fear of failure, relive bad decisions that you made, or have thoughts about never being enough, the practice of self-compassion might be just what you need.

We all Experience Suffering

In my opinion, the first step is the hardest. For some reason, we tend to think that beating ourselves up will motivate us to do better next time. This is simply not true. In fact, it actually creates an extra barrier to our progress.

In order to experience self-compassion, we have to recognize that we are suffering and in need of compassion. Many times we fall short of our ideals, fail to reach our goals, or somehow miss the mark. Instead of recognizing that we are suffering, we begin to criticize ourselves.

You may not even recognize this self-criticism because it seems like such a natural thing to do. It might include things like, “I can’t believe I…,” “I shouldn’t have…, “I can’t ever…,” or “I always….” You might even find yourself repeatedly reliving the event or situation in your mind.

If you’ve been meditating and developed a basic level of mindfulness, you might catch this negative self-talk before it gets any worse. If not, you might end up saying things to yourself that you would never say to your worst enemy.

We are all Human

Once you can identify that you are suffering, then you have a choice of how to respond. You can choose to focus on your own suffering, believing that you are the only person in the world who has experienced this problem or you can choose a different perspective.

You can remind yourself that other people have experienced this before. In fact, other people are probably going through a similar problem right now. We are all flawed humans. No one is perfect. No matter what the outside image portrays, everyone faces challenges.

We all Deserve Compassion

Being compassionate toward others seems so easy. We see a person suffering, we recognize their pain, and we have some desire to relieve it. The sad truth is that many people who offer compassion to others fail to offer that same compassion to themselves.

Being compassionate towards ourselves is a very different story. For some reason, we seem to hold ourselves to a higher standard than we hold other people. If a friend makes a mistake, we offer understanding, comfort, and encouragement. Wouldn’t it be great if we could offer those same things to ourselves?

It’s really very simple. Just think of yourself as you would think of someone you love. Shift your self-talk from criticizing to comforting. Admit that you are suffering. Acknowledge the hurt, stress, discomfort, fear, pain, anger, etc. Whatever the emotion is, acknowledge it. Name it and feel it. Sit with the emotion instead of running from it or blaming someone else.

Once you can acknowledge and accept the emotion, then you are ready to offer yourself some love. Tell yourself that you are human. Remind yourself that we all make mistakes. Check in with yourself and ask what you need right now. Encourage yourself to try again. You could even put your hands over your heart or give yourself a hug.

The emotional freedom technique (EFT), created by Gary Craig, also helps to encourage self-compassion. It always begins with some version of this statement: “Even though I have this (pain, emotion, memory), I deeply and completely accept myself.”

Benefits of Self-Compassion

Having compassion for yourself will not erase the past or remove the natural consequences of your actions. What it will do is relieve you of the extra burden of continuing to punish yourself.

Self-compassion is related to increased life satisfaction, motivation, and happiness. It is also related to decreased stress, depression, and perfectionism. Those sound like worthy outcomes to me. It seems like it would make sense to practice self-compassion the next time we miss the mark.

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Mindfulness & Peacefulness

Balancing Self-Care and Serving Others

Anytime you fly on an airplane, you hear the same safety speech from the flight attendants. During one part of the message, the flight attendant tells you that in the event of an emergency you are to put your own oxygen mask on first. If you think about it in the context of daily life, that’s a pretty profound lesson.

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Sometimes we get so busy giving to others, or just getting through the to-do list, that we forget to take care of ourselves. You know you’re not practicing good self-care when you are starting to feel symptoms of burnout.

You might have a sense that the things that were good in the past just aren’t right anymore. You might also have the feeling that you are being used or that people just take from you all the time. Those things may be true, but they could also be signs that you are not taking good care of yourself.

Another thing that happens to some people is that they start to overreact to small inconveniences. Many people actually develop physical illnesses when they are not practicing good self-care. The great news is that you have the ability to recognize and change this pattern of behavior.

Beliefs About Self-Care

Your beliefs about self-care matter much more than you might think. If we can understand the beliefs and values behind our actions, then it becomes much easier to make the changes that we need to make.

The scary part is that most of us don’t actually know what we believe about self-care because we have never taken the time to think about it. For just a moment, imagine yourself doing something that nourishes your body, mind, and spirit. Really see yourself doing it. Imagine how you will feel.

Now, think about the following questions:

  • How do you define self-care?
  • What are some of the benefits of taking care of yourself?
  • What are some of the cultural messages you have received about people who spend time taking care of themselves?
  • What are some of the disadvantages of taking care of yourself?
  • What do you think you would have to give up in order to take better care of yourself?

If you came up with some negative cultural messages about being selfish or having better, more important things to do, then you are in good company. Most people I talk to have one or more of these types of beliefs about self-care. Ask yourself if these beliefs are really true, for you, right now. Maybe they are or maybe you need to run a little experiment to test their truth.

Once you have identified your own beliefs about self-care, you are in a good position to decide if this is something you want to work on. If you know you need to take better care of yourself, don’t let negative beliefs or cultural messages stop you.

Three Steps

  1. Define self-care in your own words. What would self-care look like for you? Be specific. What would you do? When would you do it? How often would you do it?
  2. Test the limits of your beliefs. What’s the worst thing that could happen if you take 10 minutes for yourself? How about taking a whole day?
  3. Try an experiment. Pick one thing that would nourish you, and do it. See what happens. Chances are you will feel much better, and the world will keep spinning.

Remember that you cannot give something that you do not have. If you want to give compassion and love to others, you must first give these things to yourself.

Categories
Mindfulness & Peacefulness

If You Are Breathing, You Can Meditate

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Do you meditate? Have you tried? It’s much simpler than you might think. As with many things, people tend to see obstacles in their way. Some people say they have tried and “failed.” Other people say they don’t know how to meditate. Then other people say they don’t have time to meditate. Do any of these apply to you? If so, hopefully, this post will help you remove some of those obstacles to meditation.

Benefits of Meditation

Unless you have been living under a rock, you have undoubtedly heard about the many benefits of meditation. Here is a short list:

  • reduced stress level
  • increased focus and attention
  • improved mental health
  • better sleep
  • less emotional reactivity
  • greater self-awareness
  • more access to creativity and insight
  • the list goes on, and on, and on…

Meditation in 4 Simple Steps

When I first started meditating, I read all the books I could find. I listened to podcasts and watched Youtube videos. I tried many different complicated strategies until I figured out one important thing…just breathe. It’s really that simple. But, for those who like a step-by-step approach, here goes.

  1. Bring your attention to your breathing: feel the inhale, feel the exhale, repeat.
  2. Notice that you lost focus on your breathing. Become aware that you are thinking. It doesn’t really matter what you are thinking about. The point is that you are thinking about something besides the inhale and exhale. Don’t worry about it.
  3. Bring your attention back to your breathing.
  4. Repeat for whatever amount of time you decided.

It really is that simple. The point is not to sit for 30 minutes in a cross-legged position. You don’t even have to close your eyes. Don’t tell the people I work with, but sometimes I “meditate” during meetings. My eyes are open and I am present, but primarily, I’m focused on my breathing.

The main point is to notice what you are noticing. Become aware of what you are aware of. If you can practice this during meditation, then you can start to become more aware during the rest of the day.

I have used my meditation practice to remain calm in potentially difficult situations. When I start to feel stressed or anxious, I bring my attention to my breathing. It is not magic. It is simply a practice to train your body to shift out of fight-or-flight mode and back into the calm state.

Technology Can Help

For those who are still a little apprehensive, here are a few technology tools that might help. I have tried all of these and still use each of them for different purposes. I primarily use Smiling Mind when working with groups of students. Inner Balance is helpful for getting into a meditative state quickly, especially before a presentation or difficult meeting. Holosync provides the background music for my daily morning meditation.

  • Smiling Mind – free app with guided meditations
  • Inner Balance – heart rate variability sensor (about $100)
  • Holosync – binaural beats audio (free trial, cost for higher levels)

Please Share and Comment

This basic meditation technique will provide you with many of the research-based benefits of meditation. There are more specific and structured styles, which you can learn from books or teachers. If this works for you, then maybe you want to try taking your meditation practice a little deeper.

Give meditation a try and see what you think. Let me know how it goes.